Ranking the “America’s Teams” of the NFL Season

The Dallas Cowboys remain the most valuable franchise in the world, according to Forbes, every single year.

It is valued at $9 billion in 2023 and will undoubtedly remain at the top at the end of this fiscal year, too.

Why? Jerry Jones has made it to where even if they’re successful, even if they’re a failure, and even if they’re boring (which makes them unsuccessful!), we talk about them. Ever since the 90s championships, they’ve been marketed as “America’s Team” and have the circus that follows them globally.

America’s Team needs to be a concept. It’s a belt that encapsulates the narrative of a darling. That isn’t just a right given by ownership- we’re a democracy, not a monarchy!

The NFL is a reality show with characters that we’ll look back on as history, and each team has a potential narrative being carved out as we speak.

Rather than just give the title to the team that holds the moniker, let’s rank the top 5 possibilities of who could be what America’s Team is all about and pitch their story.

5) Indianapolis Colts

The Indianapolis Colts have been trying to find their footing at quarterback ever since the tragedy of Andrew Luck having to retire early after taking beatdown after beatdown. Suddenly, the team that found their generational successor to Peyton Manning went from a Super Bowl-contending team to failed moves of desperation- everyone from Philip Rivers, Matt Ryan, Jacoby Brissett, Carson Wentz, Nick Foles, and Sam Ehlinger was used for a once-proud franchise that was lost.

They finally chose to take a home run swing last year with a physical specimen hailed as Superman: Anthony Richardson. He’s only 22, 6’4 “, 245 pounds, with a rocket arm and running capabilities that make it look like he’s a teenage superhero figuring out the extent of his powers. However, he’s also only started 13 college games and, in the pros, played in 4 electric games, but he had to leave early at some point each game with injuries before having season-ending shoulder surgery.

The ceiling of Richardson could be the most exciting player on the football field; we’re just all rooting for it to be real and sustainable as the long-term successor for the Colts they’ve needed. The AFC is loaded, but his air yards in his throws are something we rarely see. The Colts themselves have a play-caller in Shane Steichen who made life easy and winnable for Gardener Minshew last season; they’ve got one of the few bell-cow running backs in Jonathon Taylor, and a group of offensive linemen headlined by Quenton Nelson, who looks like a weapon itself.

That being said, he looked like the raw prospect who had plenty of work to do in their ugly loss at Lambeau, where the defense allowed the Packers to essentially run the Navy offense down their throats. Richardson has the home run throws you’ll see in highlighted clips, but Steichen will need to work with him to make the singles and doubles for the Colts to translate his talent into wins.

The team’s unknown ceiling is exciting, and finding their long-awaited successor after so many failed attempts makes them a worthy America’s Team candidate as an AFC adversary to the top dogs.

4) Buffalo Bills

The team that lost three consecutive Super Bowls is undergoing what feels like another “90s Utah Jazz” scenario. Josh Allen and the Bills Mafia have had the 13-second game, followed by the missed field goal in the postseason last season to the thieves of joy, Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs. 

We’ve been burnt year after year believing that they could finally take the crown for them in the AFC, but because of the “not falling for that belief again” blowback, everyone is lower on believing in the Bills and Josh Allen more than ever before this year, especially after dealing Stefon Diggs and regrouping their defense in what feels like they’re regrouping and figuring out everything around Allen.

The Cinderella story of a beloved and dedicated fan base would only be higher this year with the amount of disbelief that they can’t get the Chiefs monkey off their back. The “Josh Allen can’t do this alone” doubters have never been louder. We thought it was last year just as we thought it was two years before, but Allen will always put the team on his back as the David trying to slay Goliath for a franchise he’d risk anything for that’s America’s Team as it gets.

3) Houston Texans

PHOTO: Troy Taormina/Imagn Images

Who would have thought that the youngest franchise and perceived “other” football team in Texas would actually take the mantle in the state as the cooler entity?

It will always be a Cowboys state, so this Houston team has been looking to find some sort of glory in their brief existence. After the dark and gross cloud of Deshaun Watson has (for the most part) left the franchise, they’re a cast of characters figuring out their ceiling as a team that could potentially run the AFC for the next decade with these young pieces. DeMeco Ryans is a beloved players’ coach who had an opening season last year that solidified him as the guy. Still, after the best rookie quarterback season ever by the numbers, CJ Stroud is talked about in a way that’s just plain different. Usually, after a successful rookie campaign, the conversation the next year is the imminent “we need to see more” ahead of the sophomore slump; rarely anyone talks this way about CJ and his offensive stable of Tank Dell, Nico Collins, and the aggressive moves of trading for Stefon Diggs and signing Joe Mixon. The defense even went out and added Danielle Hunter and Denico Autrey to solidify that they believe CJ will win now despite just one postseason run under his belt.

The youth, the aura of CJ’s ability to win big games, and the belief that the rest of the league talks about this Texans team that could be top-10 on either side of the ball led by a young coach are narratives that everyone is trying to will into existence.

2) Chicago Bears

We did this once just a few years back when they drafted Justin Fields, but we’ve talked ourselves into the narrative for real this time.

Chicago is football-crazed and has permanently needed a quarterback. Some of the most notorious shortcomings- having to use checks notes Rex Grossman in their Super Bowl, Jay Cutler’s NFC Championship injury, the Mitch Trubisky double-doink team, all could have possibly been avoided with an elite pass-thrower with how dominant their defenses and run game has been. There’s division in the Northside and Southside in Cubs/White Sox, but EVERYONE loves Da Bears, and they’re the only team without a 4000 yard-passer in their history.

Caleb Williams won the Heisman and then was THE consensus quarterback protege that fell into their lap after they fleeced the Panthers for their number one overall pick. The magician from USC was hailed as the savior and has been prepared for it. They spent money and assets on the youngest defense in the NFL and weapons that the masses label “the best situation for a rookie quarterback to ever fall into.” It’s been a rough first two weeks for Caleb and the offense; however, with only one offensive touchdown through two weeks with pressure from the interior offensive line, it was a learning experience for Williams, to say the least. A seven-sack primetime loss in Houston feels like they’re exactly back to square one with the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme playing.

Williams, the Bears, the fan base- everyone is aware of the stakes of this curse and what his success means to the future of one of the biggest teams in the NFL. The reality is that we know that rookies typically don’t pan out in year one. Still, with Stroud last year and early youthful success in football and other sports, we’re talking ourselves into Caleb’s generational talent, hitting early with an already-talented veteran roster. They’re a must-watch every week (for better or worse if you’re an NFC North fan) and have the perfect destiny narrative unless we have to do it all over again.

1) Detroit Lions

PHOTO: Junfu Han/USA TODAY NETWORK

The Detroit Lions have come far from their 0-16 season 15 years ago. Last year was the coming-out party for the Cinderella story, coming up just short of the Super Bowl by losing in the NFC Championship and being arguably a dropped pass away.

It’s the boring choice because of how much we fell for Dan Campbell, Jared Goff, and one of the losingest franchises in all professional sports last year. Still, it’s the right answer—bringing a title to Detroit after no one expected anything from the group post-Matthew Stafford trade, where he went out and won a title in LA.

They ran it back with their roster, and the coordinators stayed because they felt there was unfinished business. The expectation is to make up for coming up short last year. They’re off to a 1-1 underwhelming start so far, but Aiden Hutchinson’s 5-sack performance against Tampa last this week and the promise of Jameson Williams as another passing threat show some promise to add new wrinkles to the team once Goff gets the ball rolling as opposed to having to throw it 55 times.

The Lions have unfinished business, and the Cinderella Run makes them the real America’s Team.

PHOTO: Junfu Han/USA TODAY NETWORK