The NFL Stereotype Additions

Mac Jones went out and won a game for Kyle Shanahan and the 49ers in New Orleans on Sunday.

PHOTO: Stephen Lew/Imagn Images

It’s another pocket passer to add to Shanahan’s repertoire of “Well, any guy that looks like your neighbor can step into the pocket and sling it in that easy of an offensive scheme!” to go along with Brock Purdy, Jimmy Garoppolo, CJ Beathard, and Nick Mullens, among other names.

This one felt personal, though, with Shanahan being the one who pounded his fist on the table for the pocket-passing Mac Jones at one point in the draft, only for San Francisco to take Trey Lance because John Lynch apparently wanted the mobile player with a high ceiling that didn’t work out in San Fran. 

The point is, Kyle Shanahan, Nick Sorenson, and the Niners have a type, and it was relevant watching Mac and having to do a double-take because it simply looked like Brock Purdy.

Any time there’s a free agent, we’ve seen fans instantly cry, “He’s a *insert fill in the blank team*!” because the moves are so predictable.

Let’s go over some of the stereotypes of team additions around the league.

Philadelphia Eagles

A guy from the trenches, probably from Georgia, who may have been passed up for character or injury concerns, only for the public to praise Howie Roseman for adding them somehow.

Tennessee Titans

You have seen every washed wide receiver in a Titans uniform at some point.

New England Patriots

A wide receiver, one would describe as a “scrappy, lunchpail guy.”

Jacksonville Jaguars

Someone’s #3 free agent wide receiver that becomes available, and they pay him like a #1 option.

Baltimore Ravens

A big, scary linebacker that everyone immediately knows is going to be a problem.

Los Angeles Rams

A veteran future Hall of Famer who wants to both live in LA and compete a few times before hanging it up.

Dallas Cowboys

Any veteran with a troubled past looking to get the “retired reunion tour band” payday on a short deal to play with the star on the helmet.

New York Giants

A running back at a discount to compensate for not having to pay Saquon Barkley.

Miami Dolphins

A skill player that is only finesse and speed, much like the soft candy uniforms.

Atlanta Falcons

An edge rusher, because SURELY it will work this time, right?

Carolina Panthers

A backup quarterback trying to be a reclamation project that will probably end up getting playing time at some point.

Buffalo Bills

Any big-bodied wide receiver free agent who thinks, “Hey, if Josh Allen is throwing me the ball, I’ll be successful, right?”

Las Vegas Raiders

A defensive back who is the Al Davis “big, strong, and fast” mold, who has probably had repeated off-the-field issues.

Cincinnati Bengals

(see above)

Seattle Seahawks

The cheapest offensive lineman on the market because Jon Schneider prefers to patch up the trenches with papier-mache.

Arizona Cardinals

Any player who is “positionless” and referred to as a “joker” on defense probably ends up failing because they don’t know how to use him.

Indianapolis Colts

The free agent quarterback who dusts off the cleats from the back of their pickup truck for “one last dance.”

Houston Texans

The linebacker who wants to be Demeco Ryans when he grows up.

Chicago Bears

Older skill position players that are seen as “the missing piece” to unlock a quarterback to throw for 4000 yards for the first time, only to end up being slower in that uniform and in the cold.

Detroit Lions

Someone who Dan Campbell may have to be concerned about, actually biting another person’s kneecap off, and is probably from Alabama.

New Orleans Saints

A defensive back who thinks Bountygate never ended based on how they hit and cover.

Los Angeles Chargers

A receiver that has all the intangibles except the actual catching part.

Cleveland Browns

Reclamation projects for off-the-field reasons for skill position players, or as many “mentor” quarterbacks that can fit in the room as possible.

Denver Broncos

Sean Payton wants as many running backs who will accrue no fantasy football stardom status as possible.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The same kind of bigger-bodied defensive back that would normally go to the Ravens, but prioritizes living in Florida as opposed to the urgency of winning a ring.

New York Jets

They’re either figuring out the quarterback position with a project or taking someone in the trenches!

Green Bay Packers

The younger the linebacker, the better.

Washington Commanders

The older the linebacker, the better.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Someone built like an alien when it comes to having brute strength and speed, but is also a locker room loose cannon that we think will work out because Mike Tomlin can handle “big personalities.”