The NBA Fan Watcher’s Guide to March: College Matchmaker

It’s March. It’s time to start tuning into college basketball.

For some NBA fans, this time of year and the NBA draft are the only times they tune in to watch the college tape, which is a real shame, given that this has been one of the best college basketball seasons in recent memory.

If you’re a fan of an NBA team, let’s play matchmaker and give you a college program that either fits your playstyle, your mindset, or your narrative heading into the madness that makes up one of the best times of the sports calendar.

Boston Celtics // Alabama

You love a system team where everyone does their job by shooting 3’s at an unreasonable clip?

Look no further than the former math teacher turned coach, Nate Oats, and the Crimson Tide! Let Labaron Philon be your Jaylen Brown!

Houston Rockets // UConn

Do you like a team where the coach could possibly fight the referee or his own team in the middle of the game? Dan Hurley is your Ime Udoka!

Dallas Mavericks // Iowa State

If you’re still a Mavericks fan at this point, you miss the glory days of Dirk Nowitzki.

Milan Momcilovic is quite literally baby Dirk, the best big-man shooter in college basketball, and Iowa State has been looking to get over the hump that those Mavericks teams did before 2011.

Detroit Pistons // Arizona

They don’t need to jack up a ton of threes to be a powerhouse. Koa Peat is your big body bully. The guard play of Bradley and Burries carries the offense in the same way that you fell in love with Cade running the show. They’re also trying to defy the stench of early exits since it was PGU, just as we want to see some playoff success from Deeeeetroit basketball!

New York Knicks // Houston

This may have worked better with Tom Thibodeau coaching the Knicks because of the Houston bully mentality, but if the guard play of Brunson and then role players like OG and Josh Hart all doing whatever it takes to win is your thing, you’ll fall in love with this Houston team seeking redemption.

Los Angeles Lakers // Purdue or Duke

Credit: Zachary Taft-Imagn Images

A bunch of lunch-pale guy guards that jack up three’s, if you will, in a system that is stale from running it back and doesn’t play much defense? Purdue is the Midwest cousin of this Lakers team!

Or Duke, because, you know, not just because of JJ Reddick and the front-running, but Cameron Boozer is just the Miami LeBron of college basketball at the moment.

San Antonio Spurs // Florida

Stifling, dominant bigs with guards that will dive on the court for any loose ball, just like Stephon Castle. That’s Florida and the “new blood” trying to be considered one of the dominant programs and going back-to-back. There’s no alien, but Thomas Haugh may be as close as it gets.

Denver Nuggets // Illinois

The Balkan revolution of basketball is here in Champagne, baby! Oh, and Keaton Wagler is rising up the boards as the do-it-all-guard sharpshooter that can be your Jamal Murray.

Milwaukee Bucks // Texas Tech

It kind of feels like the Bucks are in the playoffs but also in mourning over the Giannis drama, just as Texas Tech has one of the best resumes in the country but no longer has JT Toppin. How much do you believe?

Cleveland Cavaliers // Kansas

You’re a fan of a team with unpredictably available guards that could explode any given night?

That’s Kansas and Darryn Peterson. On/off the court drama aside, the off-ball movement when both of these teams and the passing bigs in transition is a thing of beauty.

Philadelphia 76ers // Tennessee

Nate Ament is that versatile offensive big that we saw with prime, in-shape Embiid. Ja’Kobi Gillespie is your loose cannon bundle of joy, offensive guard in Maxey. Rick Barnes is your apathetic, I’ll try anything at this point figurehead of Daryl Morey!

Oklahoma City Thunder // Michigan

An overpowering defensive juggernaut that is the prohibitive favorite that runs and guns in transition and is dominant on both sides of the ball? Yeah. That’s Michigan. Yaxel Lendeborg is the Jalen Williams of this team in that when he’s got it on offense, it’s going to be a rough night for the opposition, as the versatile forward, to the point where it feels unfair.

Charlotte Hornets // Nebraska

The darlings that shoot threes and are as unpredictable night-to-night as possible?

Look no further than Nebrasketball, trying to win their first tournament game ever!

Minnesota Timberwolves // Kentucky

Elite guard play that has to do it all on some nights, with some high-energy defenders like Jayden Quaintance, but the variance against great competition makes it fall apart on others. 

Miami Heat // Virginia

There’s the “Heat Culture” perception that makes it appear as though they’re grit and grind and methodical in a “play the game the right way” in the same way we looked at the Tony Bennett defensive masterminded Virginia teams, but the new era of Virginia basketball is an offensive shooting buzz saw just like the Heat are leading the league in pace!

Toronto Raptors // Utah State

The Mountain West favorite plays smothering defense that forces takeaways and is the king of midrange and a mid-major that punches above its weight class!

Does that not sound like the expectations for notorious BI3 and the Raptors this year?

Los Angeles Clippers // Iowa

Iowa just needs Bennett Stirtz to go off every night to have a legitimate chance at a run in the B1G, and the way the offense moves through him, you see how much the Clippers have leaned on Kawhi having the best season of his career this season.

Indiana Pacers // BYU

You need AJ Dybantsa to be Superman every night with Richie Saunders out, just like the Pacers are mourning Haliburton and celebrating Siakam. Future Pacer Dybantsa?

Portland Trailblazers // Miami Ohio

Two little engines that could don’t particularly do anything well against the big dog competition, aside from trying to win with as high a pace of play as possible.

Phoenix Suns // Michigan State

Forget the Matt Ishbia MSU ties; is Dillon Brooks not the most Tom Izzo Spartan player of all-time who never was?

Golden State Warriors // Indiana

It’s Lamar Wilkerson of IU scoring and taking threes at an elite clip in this era of transition, just like the Warriors are Steph in an era of transition, moving on to phase two of the “two timelines.”

Atlanta Hawks // Gonzaga

They’re both methodical, assist-friendly offenses, and Gonzaga is back to trying to refute allegations of being a fraud team beating up on a weak schedule this year, again, just like the Hawks are trying to get out of the play-in area.

Orlando Magic // St. John’s

You both are dying to have just a glimmer of offense in your life for once. Bryce Hopkins and Ejiofor have to vacillate between being the offensive focal point, which is the Franz-Paolo equivalent, where we want them to be in that elite group so bad.

Chicago Bulls // St. Louis

Somehow, the Bulls are top 10 in jacking up threes and in 3-point percentage, so that equates to the beautiful offense of St. Louis, which would run so smoothly with Giddey running that offense. It’s just a shame the Bulls are a play-in team, and the Billikens are looking to find mid-major magic.

Grizzlies, Nets, Wizards, Jazz, Pelicans, or Kings fans // UCLA

You already want a flight home and are complaining about the end of the regular season because you’re tanking, miserable, injured, pretending to be injured, or all of the above.

The only person more melancholy than you is Captain Misery, and his name is Mick Cronin!