Real G’s move in silence, like ‘lasagna’.” – The University of Texas and the University of Oklahoma, probably.

The Lil Wayne lyric applies to the secretive world-shattering news that the schools have kept swept under the rug for what could have been 6-7 months: the two want to leave the Big 12 and join the SEC.


We first thought it was a shocking rumor, but now there are sources saying the official move could happen within weeks.


Photo: Patrick Conn/longhornswire.com

Some say that the answer to all of your questions is money, and that might totally be the case here. The SEC generated $720.6 million compared to the Big 12’s $439 million, and they have an upcoming $3 billion TV deal with Disney. Texas and OU’s revenue both overpower the rest of the schools in the Big 12, and they realize their ceiling in the best college football conference would be much higher. More money means better recruiting and gives them the national spotlight. They would each have to pay a $76 million buyout fee, but the schools think it’s worth it.

The opponents would be much tougher – Oklahoma has dominated off of their schedule – winning the conference for the last 6 years and making the College Football Playoff 4 out of its 7 years of existence but has never won a playoff game. The SEC could help take them to new heights with the competition that tests them every week. Texas has been the cash cow that has been seeking relevance on the field for the last 15+ years and has seen their hated rival, Texas A&M, be the beneficiaries of the moving to the SEC in 2011. We joke every season about when Texas will finally “be back,” and this could be the move that brings them there.


So, if Texas and OU leave for the SEC, the Big 12 will be dead, and the landscape of college conferences will be in complete shambles. All of the remaining schools will be searching for new homes.

Here are the recruiting pitches each university could likely give as they scramble to find somewhere who will take them.


Texas Tech

Phone rings

PAC-12: “Hello, this is the Pac-12 Conference, also known as the Conference of Champions, how may I help you?”

TEXAS TECH: “Hello! This is Texas Tech. The Big 12 is dead, so we pretty much have no home right now and would love to be able to offer our services.”

PAC-12: “That’s fantastic! We’re looking to add! What exactly do you have to offer?”

TEXAS TECH: “We have basketball and baseball programs that are both on the rise and our football team doesn’t play defense, but we can still score a million points a game; Patrick Mahomes went here. Not a big deal.”

PAC-12: “That’s okay, we don’t play defense either! Do you have any unique traditions?”

TEXAS TECH: “We throw tortillas on the field sometimes.”

PAC-12: “That’s awesome! We have no Tex-Mex in our area and our salsa is essentially ketchup! Where exactly are you located?”

TEXAS TECH: “Lubbock.”

PAC-12: hangs up


Iowa State

“Hi, my name is Iowa State. We’re actually really awesome right now, ranked 9th in the country in football going into this season, not to brag or anything. Our coach Matt Campbell got offered an NFL contract with the Lions this offseason and turned it down to stay in AMES, IOWA. We’re in a farmers’ country. That’s right, the blue-collar guys that founded this country. We’re farm-fed boys. We also REALLY hate Iowa.”

BIG TEN: “You’re hired.”

The fit just makes too much sense.


Baylor

“Hi, everyone, I’m Baylor. We’ve had a rough stretch over the last few years in terms of public perception, but we’re finally on the upswing. We won the National Championship in basketball this year! We had a Heisman winner in RGIII just a few years ago! Sure, we might be in Waco, but Chip & Joanna Gaines have created an empire here. Everything is made with shiplap now and has succulent plants. We got a new football stadium in 2014. We don’t talk about Art Briles anymore, but we had Matt Rhule, who was so good he’s in the NFL now, and Dave Aranda was seen as a “splash hire” as long as you ignore his weird COVID season last year. Oh yeah, and we also have money.”

PAC-12: “So you care more about marketing the school and your image more than actually winning games? Welcome to the Pac-12!”


TCU

We also have money…

PAC-12: “Climb aboard!”


West Virginia

Phone Rings

ACC: “Hello, you’ve reached the Atlantic Coastal Conference, how can we be of service?”

WEST VIRGINIA: “Hi, this is West Virginia. So, uh, did you see the news about the Big 12?”

ACC: “Oh hello, West Virginia. Yes, we did, that’s quite the wild story.”

WEST VIRGINIA: “Well, we were wondering if you guys would be interested in us joining. We are close in proximity, have the most rifle team championships, have immense pride, and feel we’d be a perfect fit.”

ACC: “We would love to have you. We’ve been a bit top-heavy in football the past few years, you know, Clemson winning every single game and everything.”

WEST VIRGINIA: “Yes, yes of course.”

ACC: “We take pride in our basketball, though, so Bob Huggins is still there, right?”
WEST VIRGINIA: “Yes.”

ACC: “And you still hate Pitt with every fiber of your being, right?”

WEST VIRGINIA: “That is correct.”

ACC: “Okay, well we’d love to see that Backyard Brawl rivalry renewed after all these years and have you join us just as long as you don’t use that vulgar chant against them that you usually do.”

WEST VIRGINIA: “…On second thought, let us think about it.”


Kansas

“Hey, Big Ten, we’re Kansas. When was the last time you won a basketball title? Over 20 years ago? We’re good at basketball every year. Oh, and we’re never good at football, so those cash cows you have, Michigan, Nebraska, Ohio State, and Penn State, are guaranteed a free win every single season.”

BIG TEN: salivating


Kansas State

“We’re also in the midwest.. But we’re great at getting a random, surprise win we weren’t supposed to every now and then. Just ask OU for the last two years.”

BIG TEN: “You sound exactly like the type of team Michigan would randomly lose to. You’re hired!”


Oklahoma State

“Do people really not want to play with us?? We’re good at wrestling, baseball, and softball every year, we have a basketball program that will probably have the #1 overall pick in the NBA Draft this year, Barry Sanders (ever heard of him?) went here, and for the right or wrong reasons, our coach is an absolute icon. Is being in Stillwater, Oklahoma that bad???”

crickets


Featured Image: Steve Hamm/KBTX
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