The Rotten Tomatoes Scores of NFL Teams After Week 1

The first week of the NFL season is in the books. Nothing is more spiritually healing than the overreactions to the most inconsequential and early game of a marathon of a year that will last for the next 18 weeks!

Our emotional state of mind has never been more AND less back than they are now.

There are two different ways to look at what we saw on the first Sunday of NFL Sunday: from the neutral, level-headed observers on the outside and the overreacting, emotionally invested fan perspective.

In the theme of summer blockbusters now coming to a close, let’s evaluate the new movie we all watched, NFL football in the primetime games, using the same format as Rotten Tomatoes.*

*The site has a “Critics” score that we’ll use for the neutral outsider; that’s the score that is seen more analytically rather than the “Audience” score that we’ll use for the reactionary fans that just want to have a great time, be it at the movies or watching their team.

Kansas City Chiefs // 95% Critics Score, 97% Audience Score

On ring night, the Chiefs looked even better and faster than ever in their 27-20 victory over the Ravens. Of course, somehow Andy Reid and Patrick Mahomes were gifted Xavier Worthy, the fastest player in Combine history, as he scored two touchdowns of 20+ yards after having only four TOTAL last season. The neutral observers are terrified that they’re inevitable again despite giving up some big plays to Isaiah Likely.

Still, Juju Smith-Schuster will be replaced by Hollywood Brown in the coming weeks, and Travis Kelce hasn’t even had to make a dent in involvement yet. The fans and the Swifties are already planning the three-peat parade and concert.

Baltimore Ravens // 78% Critics Score, 70% Audience Score

The Ravens were going into hostile territory as underdogs beforehand with a ton of changes. There were concerns all over the offensive line with the tragic passing of coach Joe D’Allessandris, and it was felt from the beginning with Lamar Jackson animatedly yelling at them on the sideline as he took an unsustainable amount of hits and ran for over 100 yards for his life. However, with that much change and the odds going against them for the first game, Lamar looked more elusive with his offseason weight cut, and they put up a fight that was determined by literal inches at the end.

Ravens fans may just tell you they couldn’t get past Mahomes yet AGAIN, and Derrick Henry was the only addition who couldn’t get 50 yards in the opener.

Green Bay Packers // 65% Critics Score, 50% Audience Score

It’s almost impossible to evaluate the Friday Night game in Rio accurately considering the truly weird and unique circumstances- football on the first Friday felt off, the field conditions caused players to slip left and right, the noise in the stadium was truly soccer whistling the entirety, and the political climate surrounding the game is another external factor to consider. That being said, the Packers did end up losing the opener to an Eagles team with a lot of questions around it, 34-29, with Jordan Love going down with an MCL sprain in the final minute that feels like a bad omen after some had the Packers as Super Bowl darlings ready to make the leap. While there are certainly concerns about the future, when Love was on the field, he threw darts at Jayden Reed for some explosive plays. Still, it was a sloppy game that they could have taken control of since Philadelphia was even sloppier in the first quarter. Still, penalties and whiffs were what prevented them from taking over, and Philadelphia’s firepower won out.

The Cheeseheads will tell you the new college-hired DC allowed a scoring barrage from explosive Eagles, and the sky may be falling with a winning NFC North and now Malik Willis having to step in for Jordan Love.

Philadelphia Eagles // 80% Critics Score, 85% Audience Score

The Eagles, coming off of their utter collapse last season that now has Nick Sirianni on the hot seat going into the year, looked like more of the same on offense with two quick turnovers. Still, they limited Green Bay’s scoring to just 6 points instead of what could have felt like an insurmountable deficit. The Eagles got their groove in the second and third quarters with Hurts throwing ropes to AJ Brown and Devonta Smith, and the tush push was still intact after the departure of Jason Kelce. Still, the main takeaway has to be that Saquon Barkley looks like the perfect Eagle in his 132-yard, 3-touchdown debut.

The secondary was going to be a question mark going in after last season’s disaster against a stout passing attack from Love, but for the offense to look as prolific as the 10-1 stretch they had the previous season was encouraging.

Eagles fans will be even more ecstatic and yelling, “GO BIRDS!” in that Barkley did this while the moribund Giants decided against paying him.

Detroit Lions // 88% Critics Score, 91% Audience Score

After you make the NFC Championship, retain your highly-touted coordinators and roster, and add rookies and free agent signings that are ready to play and win now, the Lions need to be met with the expectations as serious people rather than the adorable underdog story going forward. In the Sunday Night home opener, the Lions ended up pulling off the win in overtime in a game they tried to give away in the second half. They suffered from some short drives where they couldn’t get into a rhythm, and the young secondary is still figuring it out, resulting in Stafford cooking for 198 second-half yards, but their sense of identity and talent ultimately won out. The ground game of Gibbs and Montgomery helped establish a balance when St. Brown only had 13 receiving yards. Still, Jameson Williams has always been seen as a weapon needing to be unlocked after a torn ACL- with a 52-yard TD and 122 yards, he could be the piece to put them over the top.

If you’re a Lions fan, you’re gritting your teeth in that the drives led by Goff were less-than-impressive, and having your former franchise quarterback torch the secondary to make you sweat out the game was less than ideal, but there’s nothing better than winning a game in overtime. Week 1, the goal is to win your clunkers with so much in disarray.

Los Angeles Rams // 77% Critics Score, 65% Audience Score

Even in the overtime loss, the Rams and Sean McVay’s Stafford-led offense still looked like one of the top-performing teams out of the NFC in Week 1. Cooper Kupp exploded back from injury with 14 receptions, their rookie to take over the pass rush for Aaron Donald, Jared Verse, got a sack in his debut, and the offensive line that has been shuffled around only allowed two sacks.

The issue is that the Rams were unhealthy and already looked even more broken and battered. It’s week 1—they’ll be on tackle number three with Joe Noteboom going down, and Steve Avila left the game as well. The overwhelming concern has to be that there was a clip Sunday night where in the very same play that Stafford was limping in the game, Puka Nacua was sidelined and only had four receptions on the night.

Rams fans will be happy that Stafford was vintage Stafford in the second half, and the McVay development last year proved he can maximize talent when it looks like he has less, but the feeling surrounding the health of this team for 17 more weeks is grim.

San Francisco 49ers // 93% Critics Score, 96% Audience Score

The San Francisco 49ers, after an offseason of “Are they going to pay Brandon Aiyuk?” to “Are they going to pay Trent Williams?” to “Can they survive the Super Bowl hangover?” to literally having Christian McCaffrey announce that he would not be active for week 1 hours before Monday Night Football proved that they’re still the class of the NFC. With Jordan Mason as his replacement, they won a game that never felt particularly close after the second quarter when they won 32-19 with Mason putting up 28 carries for 147 yards and a touchdown as if he never left.

PHOTO: David Gonzales/Imagn Images

The defense would force a three-and-out, and Purdy controlled long drives where they had the ball nearly ⅔ of the game and ran 70 points to the Jets’ 49 and wore down a defense considered at the top of the NFL. Shanahan will be in Super Bowl or bust mode until proven otherwise, given how often he’s been burnt in the postseason. Starting with McCaffrey having a calf injury isn’t exactly inspiring long-term. Still, this team spread the wealth on offense, the defense just plain looked like they tackled harder than anyone else, and for Mason to step in as if nothing happened was mightily impressive.

The Niner faithful are undoubtedly going to puff their chests about the fact that the Shanahan system still looks like a machine and that the NFC still runs through the Bay.

New York Jets // 55% Critics Score, 40% Audience Score

Well, Aaron Rodgers at least played more than one drive this time!

The retrial of Rodgers Jets’ debut felt off in that they could not get into any sort of rhythm aside from their one 12-play, 70-yard touchdown drive in which we saw Rodgers throwing lasers over the middle and Breece Hall able to emphatically pound it into the endzone. Aside from Rodgers being… available, every other aspect felt like the cut-and-paste roster they had to piece together this offseason.

The defense that had Haason Reddick holding out allowed long, tired drives with 8 straight drives that allowed points. The offensive line couldn’t get any momentum for them to build a balanced running attack. Sauce Gardner was randomly sidelined in what wasn’t considered medical-related(?), and the white flag was waved when Rodgers came out of the game.

It’s a long season for a team with a lot of “new” to work out after playing in hostile territory against one of the best in the league, but it felt uninspired.

Do you think the rational New York Jets fans who think the sky is falling every year and know they’re all in to win now feel rational this morning?

PHOTO: David Gonzales/Imagn Images