What NFL Team is Bringing What to the Thanksgiving Meal

We’re just outside of the Thanksgiving milestone in the NFL calendar, where football will officially be football once you’ve had your turkey.

The contenders will have separated themselves from the teams that have already begun setting their sights on 2025 and beyond with the draft.

We’ll have the opportunity to erase teams from relevance on Sunday permanently, erasing them from our memory Men in Black style aside from fantasy football implications on our Sundays.

PHOTO: Lon Horwedel/Imagn Images

Recently, there was a public outcry on whether football was even fun to watch by comparison anymore after a video went viral—we have so much access to watching every team that you do get all eyes on every team. We had 7 teams with 3 wins or fewer through week 10 this year, yet we still continue to watch Redzone and keep up with every game because we can’t quit it.

The reality is that, yes, there have been lowlights and unwatchable teams with poor coaching decisions this year, but this isn’t anything new.

The NFL viewing experience is just like assigning who brings what to the Thanksgiving meal—you know that the competent, responsible person will be able to host and not trust the wild card family member to do anything but merely show up; we all play a part.

Now is also when we’re deciding who is bringing what to that meal in coordination with one of the most family-oriented holidays that goes hand-in-hand with football. Looking at who we’ve watched all season long as if they’re our weekly family members, we’ll decide who is in charge of bringing what to that gathering, similar to assigning roles to your family members and what sort of keep they’re holding up.

You wouldn’t put the problematic drunk uncle in charge of garnishing the turkey, just as you wouldn’t force yourself to watch the Cleveland Browns in all seriousness for 17 weeks. You have to divvy up the experience responsibly, so we’ll see who is bringing what based on what we’ve watched this year.

The Turkey Host // Detroit Lions

The Detroit Lions are the responsible adult that you want in charge of your turkey on Thanksgiving or the football-viewing experience on Sunday every weekend because they’re just that: reliable. They’ve played in an entertaining matchup in a variety of ways every single week, from trick plays run where the left tackle can score a touchdown to the Sonic and Knuckles backfield of Jahmyr Gibbs and David Montgomery to the offensive outpour of Jared Goff, who at one point led an offense with 25 touchdowns and only 20 incompletions in that span. Even on their off day, when he threw 5 picks against the Texans on Sunday Night Football, they still had a defense that wreaked havoc over CJ Stroud, and they won in a Dan Campbell fist pump-filled nail-biter. The offense and defense they run are creative enough to find a way to win and be fun to watch, no matter what. After scoring on 7 straight possessions to send the Jacksonville Jaguars into the seventh realm of Dante’s Inferno, they’re the odds-on Super Bowl favorite for the first time in franchise history.

If you don’t have that kind of reliability from the person in charge of the bird that needs to be in the oven for hours on end, you’re in trouble.

The Paper Plates, Napkins, and Silverware // Kansas City Chiefs

The two-time defending champion Kansas City Chiefs that started the season with the lowest point-differential for a 9-0 team to start the year are seemingly in prime-time games every single week this year with Travis Kelce and Patrick Mahomes commercials, Taylor Swift shots in the press box, and… are somehow a boring watch this year. They’ve needed game-winning field goals, and gutted-out stops from the Spagnuolo defense to gut out wins executed in thin margins with another year of Mahomes lacking dynamic skill position weapons to throw to.

It just isn’t fun, but you can’t tell the story of this NFL season without them as the undisputed two-time champ until proven otherwise,e even after the loss to the Bills. Buffalo is now 4-0 against the Chiefs in the regular season, but it still feels inevitable that we’ll get this matchup again in January, and we know how that has gone year after year for Kansas City.

The person in charge of bringing silverware and napkins are the ones that cop out for the boring responsibility that requires little to no effort, but what would we eat on or with if not otherwise?

The Sides Expert // Buffalo Bills

Speaking of the Bills, they’re providing the sides. Thanksgiving is a side-based holiday despite the turkey getting all of the love, from the mashed potatoes, to the stuffing, to whatever family recipe that has been passed down from generation to generation. “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride” is actually seen as a positive when talking about the foods that make up this holiday once a year.

The Bills are what we all want and look forward to and speak into existence as the princes that were promised; the cursed franchise is always going to be in their Super Bowl window with Josh Allen at the helm. After losing defenders this offseason, trading away Stefon Diggs, and arguably having the weakest supporting cast for Allen, he’s the odds-on MVP favorite with a 72.6 QBR and just slayed the Chiefs of their undefeated season dreams. Watching him play truly feels like you’re seeing a man with his hair on fire putting the team on his back, both figuratively and literally, as he plows through defenders and now has the second-most rushing TDs in Bills history.

The Bills are the person bringing the sides—whatever one that may be that makes the holiday great in your family just might be superior to the main course until it gets its day to shine, much like the Bills-watching experience as we will them into existence to compete with the Chiefs’ dynasty.

The Health-Conscious Contributor // Atlanta Falcons

There’s often a family member who feels the need to contribute with a “healthy” option for the Thanksgiving meal—a salad, a veggie tray, a cauliflower alternative, possibly—and while the effort is appreciated, it’s all for naught. It’s likely going to get ignored, aside from the member who did a Turkey Trot 5K that morning.

That is the Atlanta Falcons experience. They’re still leading the NFC South despite the bludgeoning on the road to the Denver Broncos 38-6, and unless the very-injured Tampa Bay Buccaneers turn around their 4-6 season or the Saints and now 2-0 interim head coach Darren Rizzi go on a heater, we’re likely going to get a Falcons team that will be lined up in the Monday Night Football playoff spot to lose in the first round to a superior opponent. The defense is dead last in completion % allowed and now allows 24.9 points per game compared to their 22.2 scored per game. Kirk has looked more immobile than ever, and after bringing in Michael Penix Jr. for 4 throws, they might luck their way into being the “made it to the playoffs by default” team, much like the veggies that made it to collect dust on the table just because they have to be there.

The Casserole Connaisseur // Pittsburgh Steelers

The word “casserole” doesn’t sound appetizing at all, as it’s just a giant piece of dishware stuffed with a couple of base foods and starch and shoved into the oven, but somehow, it works, and there’s hopefully one that’s to-die-for in your family.

Much like the world casserole is unappetizing and may not appeal to those outside of your immediate gathering, the Steelers and Mike Tomlin continue their dominance in the grossest way possible. They’re 8-2 with the combo of Russell Wilson and Justin Fields at the helm. They’ve won multiple games with ONLY FIELD GOALS made by Chris Boswell, and on defense, they’re limiting teams to just 16.3 points per game.

It’s a Mike Tomlin masterclass of all of his former ingredients thrown into a pan and baked into a playoff-bound season where we thought he may have lost his fastball.

PHOTO: Lon Horwedel/Imagn Images