The Movie Titles of the Losing MLB Teams’ 2025 Season

There are two things that go hand in hand during the dog days of summer, when we’re at our wits’ end when it comes to entertainment: baseball and blockbuster movies.

When it’s unbearably too hot to do anything but melt and the other three major sports leagues have come and gone, baseball is on every day, and there’s relatively a new summer blockbuster every weekend in a cool theater (that doesn’t mean you HAVE to go see the new Jurassic movie, though…)

Unfortunately, after the trade deadline, determining sellers and for August to roll out the back-to-school carpet, the script has been written on the season of blockbusters and the season of hope for some teams that are going to potentially have their sights set on the 2026 season.

Without further ado, let’s take a look at some of those teams and give them a movie title to describe their 2025.

Los Angeles Angels // Groundhog Day

Another summer where we wish they had enough to build a contender around future Hall of Famer Mike Trout, only for him to be on a team that you don’t think about at all, and he flirts with Philadelphia at Eagles games but never requests a trade? We’re living the same season over and over again.

Colorado Rockies // The Usual Suspects

It was the same story for Colorado as well, but potentially the worst it’s ever been. It’s looking like they’ll avoid the potential to be the worst record in baseball history from the White Sox last year (tune in through September, folks!), but they started off 18-63 with the worst run differential through that stretch with the usual story of allowing moon-level altitude home runs at Coors Field.

The baseball from an aesthetic off-the-field standpoint in Colorado works and always has, with 30,000 still showing up. The baseball ON the field, however…

Baltimore Orioles // Back to the Future

PHOTO: Tommy Gilligan/Imagn Images

The golden age of the Orioles prospects, Gunnar, Adley, Jackson, Cowser, Westburg, and more, with a new owner that was so rich he owns his own copy of the Magna Carta, just dug themselves in far too deep a hole this season after their postseason appearance last season. They neglected to make a move for the belief in the talent and the youth, and it wasn’t enough.

Baltimore will look to be back and regroup after the “year from Hell” start with the firing of Brandon Hyde and return to form with their bright future baby birds.

Chicago White Sox // How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The White Sox had nowhere to go but up this year after the worst season ever, so there comes a point where you just stop wallowing in misery and appreciate the small wins!  You’re NOT as bad as the Rockies this year! Colson Montgomery and Miguel Vargas look to be solid future pieces! The concession photos of the shakes are astounding!

Sure, it’s a bomb of a season, but the misery of 2024 seems to be less in the spotlight.

Pittsburgh Pirates // Joker

Merely the title of Bob Nutting for refusing to sell the team and invest in a roster that has Paul Skenes on it.

Arizona Diamondbacks // The Departed

What was once a contender preseason had the wheels fall off from the very beginning with the lack of pitching. Even with Eugenio Suarez having over 35 homers at the deadline, they had to depart the season and prepare for next year with Ketel Marte, Corbin Carroll, and regroup after being the prime seller of assets in Suarez, Naylor, and Merrill Kelly.

Sacramento/Las Vegas/THE Athletics // The Green Mile

There’s a lot of jokes that can be made here- the reality that they’re playing in a minor league park, that you have to walk a mile to the shack of a clubhouse from the mound to exit the game, that the largest contract ever given by the team, Luis Severino, viewed playing in those conditions was like a prison, but the A’s effectively sent their season to the chair when they traded Mason Miller to plan to build around their youth in Kurtz and Jacob Wilson going forward.

Minnesota Twins // Dial M for Murder

M doesn’t stand for Minnesota on those caps- it stands for murder. They murdered the season by selling away all but two players with guaranteed contracts for next year.

They murdered a loyal fan base’s spirit, and they murdered the payroll before they effectively sell the team, which is, I guess, what matters most to the new ownership.

Atlanta Braves // Stand by Me

We waited and waited and waited for a Braves team to finally get it together- the narrative all year round was “this Braves team is too big to fail. They’ll get Ronald Acuna back, and they just had a slow start.” We stood by them. And it never came together. They’ll finish with a record worse than the Miami Marlins rather than competing with the Dodgers in the NL pennant race. Next year, assuming they keep this core, we’ll probably stand by them then, too.

Washington Nationals // No Country for Old Men

The Nationals had done a lot of losing under two men after the 2019 World Series: Manager Dave Martinez and GM Mike Rizzo.

They became old voices and effectively lost their jobs. Post All-Star Break has been a nightmare for their young stars James Wood and Mackenzie Gore, but the old men are gone, and maybe the new voices can clean up the town.