MLB Crossroads Teams Advice Hotline

What an odd time in the MLB calendar. Teams are grappling with decision-making and are miserable enough to fire their managers.

Some teams feel like they’re doing fantastic but are in fourth place in their division. Some teams just need one good week, and then they’ll be in first place and potentially get home-field advantage if the postseason started today!

The National League has been full of chaos, and the American League has, for the most part, had the Yankees, Rays, and then a Michael Scott SNIP-SNAP-SNIP-SNAP of record above .500 ball. There’s an unreal amount of lack of trust due to injuries and inconsistencies, and we have no idea what kind of moves will be looming. The impending lockout next year only adds to the state of disarray in what directions the front offices will head.

That’s our cue to call in.

Local sports radio, especially in baseball, where everyone lives and dies with their team each day of the 162-game season, is filled with overdramatic locals who know exactly how to fix the team going forward.

We’re going to call these teams the UNBIASED fan and tell them what to do for the sake of the sport’s entertainment, as they’re at a crossroads before the trade deadline.

We’re here on an advice hotline basis to fix the season.

Houston Astros // Complete the Tear Down

“Hey, Houston. We have a problem. It’s that the era of dominance is officially over. It doesn’t even matter at this point that you have a top-5 offense in baseball with homers galore to the Crawford boxes when you have the worst ERA in baseball. The splash signing of Imai this offseason will go down as a work in progress, as he has admitted he’s struggling to acclimate to life in the States. Carlos Correa is done for the year with his OTHER ankle. The one Cy Young candidate you had, Hunter Brown, is on the shelf and will be for maybe until early June.

It was fun for a while when you were the villain, Fortune 500 company model of consistency in the AL. The time has come and gone, with essentially all of those pieces not named Jose Altuve having left. Jeremy Pena still looked All-Star caliber last season, and it’s time to just shut the door, let Altuve retire as a legacy “one jersey guy,” and build a new young core to develop. Think about all that you could net for potential MVP Yordan Alvarez, right-handed slugger Isaac Paredes, or even 35-year-old Christian Walker, who has had access to the fountain of youth this year. Their timelines don’t fit the abysmal pitching staff. Ironically, do you know who was supposed to have one of the best bullpens in baseball? The HOUSTON ASTROS! Teams will sell themselves on the names of Abreu and Hader to “fix them.”

 Reload, ship the sluggers to potential contenders, and officially write the last chapter for some closure.”

New York Mets // Trade EITHER Juan Soto or Francisco Lindor

“Hey, Steve Cohen. You like playing with fire since you have more money than God? Unleash chaos here. You can make any move you want. We tried this one, and it’s clearly not working. Let’s bypass the “oh, they don’t get along at all as the alphas on the team, but you don’t have to get along to play winning baseball. Right?” The Mets played their best ball when it was Lindor and, not $700 million Juan Soto, but Grimace and Jose Iglesias!

The Mets had a 12-game losing streak in April and haven’t had Soto, Lindor, Polanco, and Bichette healthy together all year. The health will come, but the drama that comes with the fiery pot of New York only escalates the circumstances and makes it seem less recoverable, with pressure on people like the manager, Carlos Mendoza. Selling high, regrouping with a new look, and promoting some of the best prospects from the 5th-ranked farm systems in baseball can recapture the pluck of the weird Grimace Mets. The money doesn’t even matter to you, Steve Cohen. You can mark it as a loss and try again.”

Boston Red Sox // BLOW IT UP

“Boston, SOMEONE needed to be fired after the rough patch to start the year. It needed to be maybe anyone but Alex Cora. And you fired Alex Cora. There’s been maybe one good decision made by the team since winning the World Series, now 8 years ago, and that was trading for Garrett Crochet, who is already on the shelf. The level of revolt feels like the drama of the Bobby Valentine era, when everything that could go wrong on and off the field did.

This was supposed to be the year of the Roman Empire in Roman Anthony, and the expectation of carrying the weight of a sports-obsessed city looking to contend for a World Series now, without its entire coaching staff, is almost insurmountable. He’s just 21 and already off to a slow start with only 1 homer, a .229 average, and a wrist injury.

The sooner it’s blown up to force Craig Breslow out, the better. Built around the Roman Empire, but in the future. You’ll have an ace in Crochet and could get a significant haul for veterans like Aroldis Chapman, Sonny Gray, and Willson Contreras, and just moving Jarren Duran, who appears to hate being on the team after all of this “will they won’t they” trade-him drama. Tear down to build it back up, loozahs.”

Philadelphia Phillies // BUY

“You know who thrives more in chaos and having a chip on their shoulder when no one believes in you? The entire city of Philadelphia. The Phillies fired Joe Girardi years ago, only for Rob Thomson to take over, and they went on a run and made the World Series, playing with that sort of pluck. The Phillies just fired Rob Thomson and now have Don Mattingly, and they’re already off to an 8-1 start with 4 series wins, with Zack Wheeler back.

This Phillies team is old and struggling to generate any offensive production aside from Harper, Schwarber, and Marsh, but it’s a team built to win now, with two aces in the rotation and one of the best closers in baseball, Duran, when healthy. They’re the best-equipped to turn around the season of any of the teams that have had a teardown, reset moment of the contenders. The NL Wild Card wouldn’t be out of reach if they decided to go all-in, send out some of the remaining youth or depth of pitching to get the last offensive piece. Paging Philly Native, Mike Trout!”

Texas Rangers // BUY AN OFFENSE WITH A PULSE

“Right now, you have a healthy Jacob DeGrom and Nathan Eovaldi and a young potential ace in Mackenzie Gore. When all is right, that ceiling is far too high to go on with an anemic offense. Imagine if Wyatt Langford didn’t just have one home run. Imagine if Corey Seager wakes up from his slow start. The AL West is looking like a complete wild card, with the Mariners off to their usual slow start, Cal Raleigh a non-factor, and the A’s leading the division but also being very volatile, playing in a sandbox. In 2023, when Skip Schumaker was managing a much worse Marlins team, the team also started 19-21. That team went on to make the postseason.

This team has hovered around .500 all season. It’s a disgrace not to try and build a contender when we can only wait with bated breath how many bullets deGrom’s arm has left in it. They cleaned out the locker room of bad vibes when they chose to reset and keep Seager rather than Semien, and the decision to add Gore in a contract year told us that there’s a belief in the pitching and the ballpark that that’s enough to contend. ONLY 2 of their losses have come when they’ve scored 5 runs or more. Let’s get the bats going in Texas, and you’ve got a team that could be considered among the top in the AL.”

Pittsburgh Pirates // PROVE YOU ARE SERIOUS

“Listen, we know the NL Central is going to be a blood bath with the Cubs, Brewers, Cardinals, and Reds. This is the time to strike while the iron is hot because by golly, the jolly roger has stayed in the fight. Despite being in fourth, the Buccos are top-10 in both ERA AND in offense. O’Neil Cruz is actually great when he looks like he knows how to play baseball! Marcell Ozuna was a dud of an offseason acquisition, but how about your home run leader in Brandon Lowe?

If you’re Pittsburgh, and you know that 100 mph gunslinging pitchers like Paul Skenes have a specific window (and are going to command a hefty price tag), you have to prove that you are serious about winning. You paid Konnor Griffin for the long-term, and that’s great, but he isn’t even old enough to buy the champagne that was had at his wedding. A serious bat to take them for a contending ride is what this team needs. Sell us, Ben Cherington. Get Jared Jones back and healthy, acquire a bat since Ozuna is falling victim to father time, and sell Skenes that you’ve got something in the Steel City this year.”